Of change, and the preparation thereof

The kids have left for camp, and we're getting a taste of the empty nest. Of course, this fall it will only be half-empty (or is it half-full?) but it never hurts to be prepared.

I feel like this large box has been delivered to the doorstep and I'm circling it cautiously, not sure whether to open it right away or call the bomb squad.

Inside the box is heartache and opportunity, loss and potential. It's what we signed up for eighteen years ago, but that doesn't mean I was ready for this. I look at the young man living with us and I know he's ready for this next step, and I'm ready for him to take it. In the meantime, I'm swatching.

For the non-knitters out there, I'll explain: swatching is what you do before you start a knitting project. There are a few things where it doesn't matter; potholders and shawls come to mind, but for most things, you have to swatch. You'll knit a 4"x4" square using the chosen yarn and the needles suggested in the instructions, then you'll wash and dry this square, and measure it. You need the same number of stitches per inch that are in the instructions, or the garment will not fit. At least, it won't fit you, and you'll find yourself eyeing friends and strangers of the proper dimensions to see if they look like they need a sweater or a pair of socks. It has to be right on, too; a difference of a half stitch per inch doesn't sound like much, but it adds up to several inches off on a finished item. I've found ways around swatching at times, but in general, you have to swatch.

I started the purple one thinking of a sweater I'd like to knit for myself. I've wanted an assymmetrical cable sweater since I saw a pattern for one years ago. Naturally, I can't find that pattern again, but I found this and loved it. I have the yarn, but it's lightweight and I'll have to use #5 needles. It'll take forever! While I was washing the swatch over and over to see how it would hold up, I found a pattern in a magazine and liked it. I tried swatching with some sportweight off-white Wool-Ease I've had forever and need to use. No, it's not the adorable bamboo cotton yarn in the pattern. It won't look as breezy as the model it's on. I tried size 8 needles, then 9, 10, 11, added a strand of blue, and finally the 10.5 in blue. Now I have to decide if I want this sweater at all.

It's all prep work. And for the first time, it's because I want to make something for myself. I want something I've dreamed of, planned for, labored over, worked on... for myself. I want to keep it forever, so I can wear it when it's cold outside, pull it up on my neck, throw it over my shoulders in the theater, maybe even (who knows) snuggle into it during a hockey game. I want it to have hot chocolate stains, and turned-up cuffs, and a snag where the cat's claws caught it.

I want it for me. To keep.

I think that's what's in the box.

Go get your own metaphor.