The mall on a Saturday

I had 30 minutes to kill before the hockey game, so I ran over to the bookstore for an Earl Grey and a peek at the latest knitting magazines.

Will not buy any new knitting magazines until I'm back lifting weights and sticking to my diet. How's that for a carrot?

Had to bite my tongue several times during my walk, so here's everything I didn't say:

Dear Skinny Chick: Wearing a large belt around hips the size of my former waist does not make you look like you have a figure, unless you're wanting the figure of a nine-year-old. Please. Eat a brownie.

Dear Cute Dark-Haired Mom: You have an adorable daughter! Just as I'm about to give up on capris, misused and abused as they are, your girl rocks them. They were denim, frayed just right, with a raglan shirt and scuffed tennies and a matching ankle bracelet. It was the perfect preteen ensemble.

Dear Tall, Tall, Skinny, Skinny Lady: Omigosh! Are you all right? Apparently your cell phone battery leaked acid in your jeans pocket, eating a perfect square hole where your pocket should be. It's far too high up for a normal jeans hole, so I can only assume it was an accident and you are frantically looking for a pair of jeans to buy so that you can hide a spot that would normally be covered by a bit of panty. It's also nearly eye-level for me, so you can imagine my distress. Hope there's no permanent damage.

Dear Horse Lover: I love horses too! Aren't they wonderful animals? I know it's hard to leave the jodhpurs at home, and I know that wearing them makes you feel that much closer to your horse. Or perhaps he's right outside and you just ran in for a moment to grab a Starbucks. That would explain the boots and riding pants. Tally ho!

Dear Teenage Asian Gang: Love the look. Seriously, you'd all look great in one of the store windows. It's working for you. Unless you're the same gang that was hogging the kiddie rides last week, in which case I hope you don't sit down for a month and if those pants are any indication, you won't be able to anyway.